i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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