I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize