i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
