Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
