WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize