Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
