I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You need Xanax blowdarts
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
