that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
