Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is

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(425): View more from Washington

couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school

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(702): View more from Nevada

I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.

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(618): View more from Illinois

You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster

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(773): View more from Illinois

Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?

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(913): View more from Kansas

I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.

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