dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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