walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it's great music for shaving your balls
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
