Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
