turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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