My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
