Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
