You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I've blown a few things in my day
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
