I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
