That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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