Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
