Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
