a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
