I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
