would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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