honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
