so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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