oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
