when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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