So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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