I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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