I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
