Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
