she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
