you mean i was at the winter classic?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
tell me about the eggs
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
