My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
