I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
