So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
