Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
