dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
