Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
