my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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