all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
