when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
