I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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