it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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