It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
