That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
