just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
