I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
