Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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