Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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