Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
