i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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