Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
