I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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