Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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