I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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