What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
