He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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