I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
