i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
