Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
