Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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