You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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