I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
